“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.”
I got some bad news on Friday when I visited my hematologist for tests. The results showed that my blood medications were not doing the job and that my hemoglobin was substantially below normal. The good news is that they found that my hemoglobin was substantially below normal and that the resulting significant anemia has probably contributed to all the problems I have had over the last six months or so. What is good about the discovery is that there are things we can do to bring me back to acceptable ranges.
For years I had to go to the hospital and get infusions of iron on a regular basis. This past year they felt that mega doses of Iron taken orally would do the job and now we know it hasn’t. About six months ago I went through a series of pacemaker adjustments until we got a setting that reduced my chest pains, I then went through three months of cardiac rehabilitation and I got some of my stamina back. It worked so well that I joined a wellness center where I exercise every morning at 5 AM and that has helped a lot. But I also have found that I did not have sustained energy and the anemia may be why. So in two days I will undergo an Iron Absorption test followed by visits to the hospital three days a week for at least the rest of the month for a regimen of iron infusions. I’ll get more reading time in while there and if they work as well as they should I’ll get to be me again in a month or so. Yippee!
Probably the greatest contribution I have found to my aging gracefully is bringing some commitment to good health into my lifestyle. I have found that while I let too many years go by it is never too late and the dividends are fantastic. Here are some suggestions made by others that I have found worthy.
In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Near St. Vincent's Hospital in New York City, I noticed two firefighters standing at the door of their ambulance. The window was partly down, and they were talking to a small child inside, instructing her how to open the latch. Nearby, a young mother looked on patiently.
Assuming they had invited the curious girl into the ambulance to check it out, and she'd locked the doors by mistake, I said, "She locked herself in, eh?"
"No, we locked ourselves out," one of the men said. "We borrowed her from her mother because she could fit through the open space in the window."
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson. She gave the little girl a quarter and a dollar for church. "Put whichever one you want in the collection plate and keep the other for yourself," she told the girl.
When they were coming out of the church, the mother asked her daughter which amount she had given.
"Well," said the little girl, "I was going to give the dollar, but just before the collection the man in the pulpit said that we should all be cheerful givers. I knew I'd be a lot more cheerful if I gave the quarter, so I did."
Thru the years I've noticed that conscience gets a lot of credit that really belongs to cold feet.
Moshe was taking to his psychiatrist. "I had a weird dream recently," he says. "I saw my mother but then I noticed she had your face. I found this so worrying that I immediately awoke and couldn't get back to sleep. I just stayed there thinking about it until 7am. I got up, made myself a slice of toast and some coffee and came straight here. Can you please help me explain the meaning of my dream?"
The psychiatrist kept silent for some time, then said, "One slice of toast and coffee? Do you call that a breakfast?"
"Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son."
"He's suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery."
"How can you say all that without even meeting him?"
"Didn't you say he was 13?"
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card. The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too
If you have health, you probably will be happy, and if you have health and happiness, you have all the wealth you need, even if it is not all you want.
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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