I will not be attending the pity party

[Ray]

“When we pity ourselves all we see is ourselves. When we have problems, all we see are our problems and that's all what we love of talking about. We don't see the good things in our lives.”

Ann Marie Aguilar

I sometimes don’t understand why I run into so many unhappy people. I am beginning to wonder if they just need to agonize just so people will pay attention to them. Years ago I attended a seminar where there was substantial discussion about young people who misbehave primarily because they strived to be noticed. The tough part is it is almost like with some that the only way the think they can be happy is to become unhappy. I suspect that once they are in the rut there woe-is-me attitude becomes a way of life.

Unfortunately I think some are just meant to live out their lives searching for another disaster to experience. While I certainly do not condone their lifestyle I know that there is not much I can do to change them, I just eventually end up avoiding them. But as a service to them I offer the following that I got some time ago and saved.

 

Ways to Stay Stressed

Are you worried about how to stay stressed? You'll have no trouble if you practice the following clinically proven methods:

• Never Exercise - Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.
• Eat Anything You Want - Hey, if cigarette smoke can't cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn't likely to.
• Gain Weight - Work hard at staying at least 25% over your recommended weight.
• Take Plenty of Stimulants - The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.
• Avoid Relaxation Practices - Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress. The 'perpetual work' ethic is good for staying stressed.
• Get Rid of Your Social Support System - Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that you concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.
• Personalize All Criticism - Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don't take time to listen, be offended, then return the attack!
• Males and Females Alike - Be Macho. Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!
• Become a Workaholic - Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.
• Discard Good Time Management Skills - Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.
• Procrastinate - Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvelous amount of stress.
• Worry about Things You Can't Control - Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, the approaching Ice Age, you know, all the big issues.
• Become Not Only a Perfectionist But Set Impossibly High Standards – and either beat yourself up, or feel guilty, depressed, discouraged, and/or inadequate when you don't meet them.
• Throw Out Your Sense of Humor - Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn't be treated as one.

Oh by the way if you are a member of Agony Association please don’t bother sending me an invitation to any of your self-pity parties my schedule is too full of enjoyable activities.

~~~

“Self pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”

John Gardner

~~~

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me.  The whole world hates me!"

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Lots of people don't even know you."

~~~

The boss said "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."

~~~

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. However, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Meanwhile, the Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans while the Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. Apparently, speaking English is what kills you.

~~~

"There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary and those who don't."

~~~

This woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke?"

The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of course I had to make the obligatory donation to the temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone."

The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? My goodness, how big was it?"

Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats."

~~~

Middle age is a time when it takes longer to rest than it does to get tired

~~~

A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 18 bucks an hour starting today, and in three months I'll raise it to 30 bucks an hour. When would you like to start?"

The employee replies, "How's three months?"

~~~

"A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married."

H.L. Mencken

~~~

As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor.

"Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!"

~~~

“Laugh at yourself and at life. Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity, but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain, cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat and worry with laughter at your predicaments, thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution that is certain to come. Never take yourself too seriously.”

Og Mandino

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

 

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