There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.
Has anyone seen me today? I have been so busy with meetings, Doctor and x-ray appointments I have not been able to catch up with myself and I have no reason to believe I’ll find me later. Since I don’t want to take the risk of missing another daily I am sending you this one instead and including an update.
Ray’s Daily April 14, 2004
I had a great day yesterday. My CPAP (continuous positive air pressure) machine kept me from stopping breathing through the night, so my Sleep Apnea was not a problem. My Pacemaker and my two heart medicines kept my heart in rhythm. My Thyroid medicine has my Thyroid nearly normal. My blood pressure medicine kept my blood pressure at acceptable levels. My lung pills kept my lungs clear. I am so lucky to have such good health, or at least the wherewithal to be able to acquire and pay for what it takes to get it. I pity all those who are without healthcare or who do not have the means to buy what they need to sustain a decent lifestyle. Sure my medications are costly, and sure I wish they cost less, but at least I have them, the alternative would be catastrophic.
Fortunately my two heart operations and curative successes have resulted in my heart staying in rhythm most of the time allowing me to give up some of my nastier medications. I also have overcome my thyroid problems. The way things are going I’ll be so healthy in a few years that I’ll be able to do some amazing things. April 2009
If I had my way I'd make health catching instead of disease.
Jane says that there are 7 degrees of blondeness
A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning. The wife undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment, and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear'."
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." She hands it to the second blonde. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
A blonde brags about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead; ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy -'W'."
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch. "Wow!" the trooper gasped.
"Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant! Are you OK, ma'am?" "Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road, when from out of nowhere this tree popped up in front of me, so I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was another tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...." "Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off as he looked inside the car, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air-freshener swinging back and forth."
Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had been robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
I don’t know if Jane is a blond these days or not, I would guess not. Ray
Don't worry about avoiding temptation... As you grow older, it will avoid you.
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"
I think the nice thing about being senile is I can hide my own Easter eggs.
Walter and Maury were good friends and neighbors. Walter was Christian, Maury was Jewish, but they liked and respected each other very much. (Which is as it should be.) The neighborhood in which they were next door neighbors included many Jewish and Christian families.
One day, Maury and Walter were both trimming their yards. Walter called over the yard to Maury, "Hey, Maury! Why do you and so many of our Jewish friends often answer a question with a question?"
Maury replied, "Why shouldn't we?"
If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for.
Timmy was roughhousing with his dog.
His mother said to him, "Now, Timmy, I know you love Grover, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?"
The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Donna was here!"
Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
Can you believe that this came from Wendy?
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Thought you'd might like to see what happened to me last week.
I went downtown the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a city cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a piece of horse s**t. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.
This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It's important at my age.
I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.
The editor is somewhat senile.
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