The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood.
I think I mentioned the other day my concern for how many people I meet who report that they have become lonely as the years have gone by. I don’t know if these folks are just shy or that they fear trying to make new contacts. All I do know is that we all need others if we are to truly enjoy all of our years. If you are like so many of us who could use some friendly hand holding once in a while you may benefit from the following abridged article.
5 Tips for Being More Sociable with People
By Byron Van Pelt
Learning how to become an extrovert can be a daunting task. And if you're anything like me, just being told to "get off the couch" and "get out more" doesn't quite seem to cut it. So I'm here to offer some tips and strategies you can implement into your life immediately to get some more results with your social life.
Understand there is Nothing Wrong With Being Introverted
First, realize that being an introvert is not necessarily a bad thing. Many people who are shy make the assumption that they'll never be happy unless they can be comfortable going out and socializing on a regular basis. They feel that they're a failure of some kind for being alone during specific nights. This creates a completely unfair judgement of oneself and just leads directly to unhappiness.
So it's cool to stay in and spend time alone every now and then! The key is to do it with balance - if you've locked yourself away four weekends in a row, it's time to step your game up.
Join a Social Group that Holds You Accountable
Plenty of blogs and articles in the self-help arena suggest joining clubs, classes, and programs that you are interested in to become an extrovert. I think this is an awesome idea; connecting with others with similar interests is a sure-fire way to get out more and socialize more frequently.
But there's another key step to this tip. You need to find a group that holds you accountable. Don't just join a group where members fade in and out over time, coming and going as they please. Join one with a level of accountability.
Maximize Your Time When You're Being Social
When you're out among friends, classmates, or co-workers already, leveraging your time gives you an increased amount of options for further socializing. The most convenient method of doing this is by creating or joining activities others have planned in the future.
Here's an example: if you're at work and winding down for the day, ask a co-worker or two what they're doing for the weekend. Explain what you'll be up to if you have plans. As you get a better sense of what they have going on socially and they understand what you're up to, you open up the discussion for joining one another at a later time. You'd be surprised how many times you get invited along just by asking someone else what they plan on doing over the weekend.
Being proactive in these situations instead of keeping to yourself will give you more chances to get out of your shell and meet some new people.
Socializing is a Learnable Skill
A big reason most introverts shy away from social scenarios is because they're not quite sure what to do to be comfortable in front of others. This is probably the #1 stumbling block for shy people who want to be more sociable with others but are terrified of doing so. In their minds, being at a party or social event can be far too daunting because this fear seems like a gigantic, unmoving, unfixable problem.
Instead of focusing on the fact that you might not know what to say or do in social contexts, think of one aspect you can work on. Maybe you'd like to practice smiling - so you remember to smile when you can throughout the event, noticing how much better you feel when you do so. Instead of going home and beating yourself up for feeling awkward, you get to reflect in the progress you made because you were focused.
Shift from Getting to Giving Value
Don't worry, I'm not suggesting you suddenly have to become the most interesting man in the universe. You just need to shift your thinking whenever you find yourself communicating with others. Take your attention off of yourself, and the emotions you're "getting" when spending time with another person, and put it onto what you're giving.
Are you giving 100% of your focus and concentration to what that person is saying? Are you giving information you've come across that could potentially help the person? Are you giving away specific compliments to make him or her feel better? If you give enough, you will have a plethora of opportunities to get out more and have your value sought after. Your options will widen significantly, and you will find yourself becoming an extrovert.
"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say 'Well, here I am!' and those who come in and say 'Ah, there you are'."
"Sorry, we don't have potted geraniums," the clerk said, and then added helpfully, "Could you use African violets?"
"No," replied Ed sadly, "It was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
His wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation, aggravation, and frustration.
Dad picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the phone is answered he asks, "Can I speak to Roger, please?"
"No! There's no one called Roger here." The person hangs up.
"That's irritation," says Dad.
He picks up the phone again, dials the same number and asks for Roger a second time.
"No, there's no one here called Roger. Go away.
Don't call again."
"That's aggravation," says Dad.
"Then what's 'frustration'?" asks his son.
The father picks up the phone and dials a third time: "Hello, this is Roger. Have I received any phone calls?"
Few women admit their age, Few men act it!
A 16 year old girl bought herself a very tiny bikini. Very proud she came home and put it on. She then showed her mother how she looked in it. "What do you think mom." , she asked.
Her mother replied: "If I wore that when I was your age , you would have been 5 years older."
You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Which is just another way of saying that the way to make a friend is to be one.
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.