“There's nothing half so pleasant as coming home again.”
Margaret Elizabeth Sangster
It is always nice to come back home and it is especially so this time. While my cruise was good the first 7 days, I spent the rest of the voyage pretty much cabin bound with the Cruiser Flu. I am still moving slow but getting better. But even if it had gone well I would be glad to be back since there is so much going on here, there is a raft of birthdays, my wife’s and my forever anniversary and I just learned that a favorite friend got engaged over the weekend. So I’m back in action, not at the speed I hoped, but it will come.
I spent this morning trying to lay out my schedule for April when I realized I hadn’t even checked out the months options, so since I had to do it I thought I better share what I found with you. Here in the US it is:
Actors Appreciation Month – If they keep cutting back performances the only place I’ll find them is at a restaurant when they wait on my table and that would be tragic.
Keep America Beautiful Month – My wife tells me that is why she visits the beauty parlor every Friday.
Listening Awareness Month – You know I always try to be aware when I am listening but sometimes I listen and I think I am thinking, go figure.
Multicultural Communication Month – This is right up my alley we have so much to appreciate about each other if only would stop long enough to do so.
National Anxiety Month – I worry about this one but not anxiously.
National Humor Month – If you can tell me when local humor, regional humor, international humor and intergalactic humor months are I will try to adjust the Daily accordingly.
National Weight Loss Month – I gained five pounds the first few days of my cruise but gave it all back in the bathrooms aboard ship.
Worldwide Innovation Month – Let’s all innovate together, there has to be a better way.
It takes hands to build a house, but only hearts can build a home.
Mary: I'll tell you one thing! I'm never going out with my friend Shirley again!
Jill: Why on earth not? You two are best friends!
Mary: Yeah, well, last night a good-looking man walked up to our table at the bar, said hello, and told us his name. I told him that my name is Mary, and introduced my friend Shirley. He said, "Wow! On a one to ten scale, you two ladies make a twenty!"
I said, "Really?"
He said, "Yeah! Your friend Shirley here is definitely a 15!"
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I've only been jogging once and feel ten years older already.
A couple of opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner. One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."
"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip them a nickel and ask them to vote for you."
Three old guys out walking.
First one says. "Windy isn't it?”
Second one says, "No its Thursday"!!
Third one says. "So am I. Lets go get a beer".
A true friend is one that lets his grass grow as tall as his neighbor's.
There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with the Chihuahua, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."
The Chihuahua guy replies, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
"Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant and the guy with the Doberman puts on dark glasses, then walks in.
The maitre d' stops him, "Excuse me sir, but there are no pets allowed."
The Doberman guy explains, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The maitre d' questions, "A Doberman Pinscher?"
"Yes, they're using them now, they're very good and offer great protection."
The maitre d' seems satisfied and lets him in.
The Chihuahua guy figures, "What the heck," so he puts on his dark glasses and starts to walk in.
"I am very sorry but we do not allow pets."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The maitre d' asks suspiciously, "A Chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?"
"You mean they gave me a Chihuahua!?!"
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or starts to leak.
An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today."
"Seven hearts?" asks the friend. "How did you do that?"
The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I performed three marriages."
The friend looks at him quizzically. "Seven?" he asks. "I could understand six, but..."
"What do you think" says the rabbi, "that I do this for free?"
Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us.
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody but one girl laughed uproariously.
"What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?"
"I don't have to laugh," she said. "I'm leaving Friday."
Worry is interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
William Ralph Inge
John came home from the office and found Jill sobbing convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."
"Forget it," consoled John. "Remember that I've got an extra pair of pants for that suit."
"Yes, and it's lucky you have," said Jill, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."
"If you have not often felt the joy of doing a kind act, you have neglected much, and most of all yourself."
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.
The editor is somewhat senile.
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